I love it here. Correction. I loved it here.

I have reached rock bottom. I recently moved from the Upper East Side to Harlem and oh what a difference 25 streets make. I can't sleep. It's 3:47 am and I am creeping around my apartment completely afraid for my life. I called my dad because all the shooting outside was scaring me. I told him that I need to move out of my apartment and possibly all the way home to Georgia. That wasn't as scary as when they started shooting into my apartment building. According to the police that just left my apartment a few minutes ago, the apartment below me got shot up and they just barely missed me. I didn't even want to open the door for the police. I was half asleep, half naked, and my peep hole is completely inadequate. I only opened the door on faith that they were truly the police. There is a helicopter circling my building.

This morning three people were stabbed at random. Two people in my subway station and one in a nearby park. There was blood everywhere all day long. I have never seen so much blood.

Saturday night I heard loud yelling and I looked out through the balcony sliding doors. Hundreds of guys were running down the street. They were chasing someone down the block. Then there were gunshots. When I told my sister how scared I was and that I hid in the hallway of my apt because the bedroom is against the street she thought I was paranoid. She said that I am on the 5th floor and that I should be fine. Well I am not fine. I am again crouching in the hallway. I am thinking of what I can do to best avoid having my body penetrated by bullets tonight. Saturday night I became a Republican. Tonight I became a Giuliani supporter. Too far? Sorry.

I had no idea it was this bad up here. I never thought I would willingly let police into my apartment without a warrant. That is who I am now. Someone told me this week that it's time to get out of New York. I think she was right. Praise God that I have survived here for nearly a month, but I didn't suffer through three years of law school just to be randomly stabbed or shot dead in my apt at night. I don't believe my life is any more valuable than any of the poor children who have to suffer through this nightmare with no escape route. I have and escape route and I would be a fool not to take it. So I couldn't even survive one month in a black neighborhood. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. I got myself into a dangerous situation and I will get myself out. By any means necessary. I need a lot of prayer.

I do not want to leave the city. I love it here. Correction. I loved it here.