What I Did This Weekend

This weekend was nasty outside and I didn't make plans for Halloween so it was the perfect time to use my movie coupons.  J and I went to see the Ides of March starring Ryan Gosling, of Mickey Mouse Club fame, and George Clooney.  Has anyone else seen that video of Ryan breaking up a fight at Astor Place?  He's just hot.  J and I talked for hours after the movie.  We were sitting on a bench outside the theater chatting when she thought she noticed Chris Rock entering the bathroom.  J has an eagle eye when it comes to celebrity sightings.  Despite his attempt at being stealth, he knew we'd spotted him as he walked toward the exit, and returned my huge smile with an even bigger one.  It sure beat the death stare I once got from Matthew Broderick. 

I also watched the Kim Kardashian wedding yesterday, only to find out she filed for divorce today.  I wonder if she made money or lost money on the production.

The More Things You Will Know

It's almost November and I'm not sure I've finished a single book given to me last Christmas.  I've started a few.  Just in time for a snowy weekend in the city I've decided to take some time to rectify this situation.  I would like to have read 10 books this year.  I know that avid readers will consider this cheating, but I am going to help myself reach this goal by listening to unabridged books on tape.  I finished The Hobbit the other day and I'm already on chapter 6 of the The Scarlet Letter.  My sister is the bibliophile in the family and I've always begged her to read to me because I love to hear them.  I'm just not a fan of the reading part.

Can't Let Go

Here are just five of the many skirts I've continued to rock since my middle school days.  I'm so proud that they've stood the test of time.  Fortunately, plaid, pleats, and argyle never go out of style.

You Can Never Have Too Many

Dresses.  Especially if they're Kate Spade.  My generous sister sent me these in the mail. I've already worn this one to work.

Kate Spade New York Amy

Kate Spade Fiona Leaf-Print Wrap Dress

The Fiona will be a bit of a challenge.  Unlike this model, who must be 5'11", this dress comes halfway down my calf. 

Last week was likely the last warm weekend in the city this year so I took the opportunity to wear the Kate Spade Floral Wynne and debut my new Hermes scarf. I wanted so badly to wear the scarf as a headband, but alas my head is just too small. I have so many talents and they are all academic. There is not one creative bone in this body so I am going to have to study some youtube videos if I really want to get my money's worth out of this scarf.

These arrived yesterday in the mail. I love the way they look, but I hope they turn out to be comfortable walking around the city.  

Corso Como Whiskey Leather

Fear

The biggest thing holding me back right now is my neglect in conquering my fears.  If I had greater confidence in certain areas I think my life would be so much more fun and full of adventure.  One of my biggest fears is driving.  I only drove for one year before starting college and since then I have driven only on occasion and only out of necessity.  Overcoming this fear would inspire me to visit more places without public transportation and allow me to be a better road trip partner.  Why do I feel like I am writing a college essay right now?

Another one of my fears is homelessness.  I've had to move so many times in my life when I was unprepared to do so.  I've lost most of my keepsakes, my baby book, and letters from high school boyfriends/friends during moves.  In the last 3 years I have moved eight times.  Every time, friends and/or movers have flaked out and I have had to do almost everything on my own.  I have had a recurring dream for a couple of years now of being in an alley between two trash bins.  I'm sitting on the ground wearing a trash bag and it's raining.  Mostly, I blame this fear on my decision to attend law school in 2006.  Had I forseen that by 2011 the legal profession would be the #1 worst profession for obtaining a job I would not have mortgaged my future.  I am in constant fear of losing my job and becoming homeless.  So instead of traveling, I put money in my emergency fund. 

My biggest fear is that I will spend my whole life never being loved the way I have loved others.  When I broke up with my boyfriend over two years ago, my friend J said "Oh you'll find someone. You have so much love."  No one had ever said that to me before, but I realize now that my capacity to love other people is boundless.  I have loved so many people unconditionally in my life and continue to do so despite all the heartache and pain they have inflicted upon me.  I have forgiven the most heinous of betrayals and continued to love.  The love I've received is  fleeting whereas my love lasts a lifetime.  When I look at myself in the mirror I see a princess, but other people see a frog.  I'm terrified that only God will ever see the value of my virtue and that no one but God will ever truly love me.  I can practice driving and I can pay down my law school debt, but I have no clue how to conquer this one.